Skip to content

are you married to a man but in love with a woman?

women's sexuality, coming out, questioning sexual orientation, married to a man but in love with woman

Waking up to your sexuality and attraction to women while in a heterosexual marriage, possibly with children, can be one of the most confusing and conflict filled times in one’s life. 

As women, we are socialized from our earliest developmental stages to follow our cultural norms. We absorb what is expected of us, or what our society has deemed “normal”. As young girls, stories are read to us, and eventually we read stories ourselves, see movies, and begin to internalize the messages that our culture puts forth about women.  Women focus on others, and do what is expected of them. We learn that focusing on ourselves is selfish, and not until we mature can we begin to discern between being selfish and being self-affirming.

It is not uncommon for our true desires and awakening sexuality to only surface later in life, after we have placed ourselves firmly on the track that our culture has normalized for us. In fact, our budding desires may come as a total surprise, even to ourselves.

Are you afraid that your secret will be out?
Are you locking away your feelings of attraction to women because you can’t imagine how those feelings could ever be integrated into your life, let alone into your marriage and family?
Are you feeling depressed but don’t know why?
Have your feelings become strong enough that you can no longer sweep them under the rug?
Are you feeling anxious?

I can help you on this journey.

womens sexuality counseling nyc, sexual identityAllowing yourself to connect to this new found part of yourself may feel like a threat to all you have known up until now and arouse feelings of devastation, loss and fear, while also feeling like the most connected and exhilarating experience you have ever had. The awareness of these emotional and sexual feelings for women can feel like your life has capsized and you are in deep water without a life preserver.

What if there isn’t one “right” path in life? What are your expectations for yourself as a woman in today’s world? What norms do you hold yourself to? Are they aligned with your authentic self? Are you able to feel connected to all aspects of yourself? Are you living your truth? Are you open to exploring life’s possibilities?